Look, it may not be completely related, but I've been waiting a loooonnngggg time to use that image. Part of me died inside the day I read that, at the same time, it's pretty funny. So, some guy killed himself to avoid jail, then was found not guilty like an hour later. Silly boy.

Shortly after the jury gave its verdict in the case of William Telano Evans on Thursday afternoon, it was clear something was wrong.

In the courthouse hallway, Evans' wife, Peggy, used her cell phone to call her husband, who hadn't returned to court after lunch to hear the verdict.

"They found you not guilty," she said. "Please, please don't do anything."

He never got the message. - StAugustine.com

LOL OOPS. I don't completely understand this, you can check it out here if you want to try making head or tail of it. The basic idea is this dude was accused of sexually assaulting a girl thirty years or so ago, claiming she was between the ages of 9 and 10 at the time. The defense pressed that she was 13, which apparently means it's okay in St. Augustine. That's how I read it.

I mean, they showed a note from the defendant apologizing to the chick, essentially admitting to assaulting her and saying MY BAD YO. The defense didn't argue he did it, they argued the age she was. And he was found not guilty.

Can't say I feel bad for him, as that's still something you don't do. Can't say I feel bad for his wife, who was grinning and making snyde remarks to the victim on her way out the door. Fuck both of em far as I'm concerned. I mean, if you're arguing your physical abuse was okay because of how old the target was, you kinda suck.

Remember though St. Augustine residents, don't beat the shit out of your little ones until they're 13. After that, fill that hockey sock up with oranges, and go to town, I guess!

In other fail news, an Argentinean news station reported about the dangers of making grog from the Secret Of Monkey Island video games, taking a FaceBook group (the pinnacle of journalistic integrity) talking about making it seriously. You would have thought kids saying they were mixing and drinking kerosene and axle grease would come off as obvious sarcasm but.... s'pose not.

Ooooh, speech bubbles, I'm getting fancy huh? Maybe I'm a little bitter today, I dunno. Some moving stuff is hitting snags. None that are going to derail it, but delays. I mean, I got a tuna fish sandwich in town for lunch, and when asked how it was I replied "well, the good news is I know it came from a can, the bad news is I don't know who's". Entertained the hell out of me, but not really called for. So, schadenfreude time, guess who is continuing to lose supporters and respect?

Favre has "little support" in the locker room as Minnesota prepares for its Monday night preseason game against the Houston Texans. - ESPN.com

Sweet. Nothing says respect like players thinking you don't deserve to take the place of Tavaris Jackson, a player that the only impressive thing I've ever seen him do on a football field was get his head almost taken off two years ago and not die.

Keep it up Brett, most of us already hated you, but it's reassuring to see you piss off the few supporters you had left. I can't wait to see the Vikings at Green Bay game this year. Fans will be throwing fucking blenders at you while your teammates groan in the huddle, I can see it now. "Okay, here's the play. I run left, you run straight, then I throw the ball 20 feet up into the air off my back foot"

GATHER 'ROUND CHILDREN, I HAVE STORIES. Keep in mind this won't be one of my most entertaining posts, as I'm just going to be tarding out about something that pissed me off today, as opposed to writing commentary about something people actually care about.

Long day. Sitting around with my thumb up my ass for hours waiting on installation doods to come by the soon to be new residence. Cable/interweb guy did his job, took him a while because some bad router kept fucking it up, but after a few hours, it was good to go. I feel like I forgot something on the HDTV, doesn't seem like enough wires. But enough about him.

Another guy we had come by was to hook up the gas. Real fucking lightbulb, this guy. Shows up at the end of the time window quoted, which, fine, whatever, but then comes off like I should already have his cock halfway down my throat because he found the time for me. Acting all busy and in a hurry, dude, shut the fuck up.

So, he goes to put a meter in and whatever other crap they do, and comes back ten minutes later.

"You got a gas leak"

"Lolwut"

"Yeah, so, like, we got to fix that."

"Kay."

I go back inside to finish up with the cable guy, sign the receipt etc etc, an ordeal that took maybe five minutes. Then I go outside to find the gas guy and see what he's up to and.... well, whatever it was, it was somewhere else.

GONE.

What the fuck?

HAY U HAS A GAS LEEK LOLOLOLOLOL K THX BAI are you fucking kidding me? That's like a surgeon going "yeah you got a clogged artery somewhere. Well, see ya" and wandering off to the bar. Except, in that scenario, the surgeon at least announced he was leaving prematurely, instead of just fucking doing it.

Well, at least we had a plumber coincidentally at the building for something else to check it out and try and find the leak. Considering he walked into the basement with a cigarette in his mouth, I guess he wasn't overly concerned about it. That or he thought blowing up everyone within a 200 yard radius would be funny. He found the leak, though. In a spot that our National Grid fellow said it wasn't.

So, yeah. A guy whose job is to work with natural gas, installing it, identifying problems, etc acknowledges a problem, says its in a place that it isn't, and then promptly leaves without fucking doing anything about it. Yet, a plumber who just happens to be there finds it, roughly two minutes after said National Grid dickhead just left. Now I won't have hot water until Tuesday, four days after I move in, which means I'll have to come home to shower and shit. Thanks bro.

So, National Grid, I don't know who you sent me today, but he fucking sucked. Please send somebody else Tuesday. If they have the same attitude, that's fine, I can deal with that, but I'd prefer one that at least knew what they were doing. Guy who came today, signal from shore when you get a fucking clue.

No news stories today, I'm too tired. I just wanted to write this down somewhere because I'm pretty pissed off about it, and the person deserving of my frustration fucking bailed before they could receive it. If you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go cry and stick my cock in the toaster or something.

Late note: Second National Grid guy was on time, friendly and did a good job. So, first one wasn't what the company is as a whole, he was just some asshole.

I think I'm going to stick with the "people on YouTube I don't like" theme for a bit. The one a couple posts below? Yeah, that guy (it's a guy, gotta be) annoyed me, but not as much as this one. Check out this faggot.



Oh goody. Makeup to appear deeper than the people he's addressing. Head turning on every sentence like his words are so powerful if you blink you might miss the cure for cancer. A lecture on a lifestyle he doesn't live that includes asinine comparisons that don't make any fucking sense. THESE ARE A FEW OF MY FAY-VA-RIT THINGS

"Some people are driven by what society says is okay while others, vegeterians, are driven by what they feel is morally right". Yeah, okay buddy. You're so much better than me because you're too much of a fucking pussy to eat a steak. That's a nice, logical conclusion. You didn't give up meat, okay? Meat gave up you, because you're such a whiny bitch that animals aren't even comfortable being eaten by you.

He also has some other lines that'll make your head hurt, such as "racism towards animals" (because eating something that tastes good = hating it because of what it is right guys) and "[animals] know something you have no concept of : love". I got a feeling if you're dressed up like a mime and whining about people eating cheeseburgers, you don't have much of a concept of love either. Or, y'know, friends, not being laughed at in public, being respected by anybody, etc.

Our lovely raging homosexual closes by smugly pursing his black lipstick covered lips and saying "you clearly condone cannibalism". I sure do! Cow, person, same thing. What an absolute fucking idiot. You want to have dumb opinions, fine, but don't support them with statements that are a load of bullshit.

I will close with a rendition of what somebody in the video comments wrote, an individual that is much brighter than the clown in the video itself.. Not that that's saying much, I've left things in the toliet smarter than this person, but I digress.

If you can manage to do something above baseless insults, spooky music and queer makeup to attempt at getting your point across, maybe I'll consider listening to it. If you can find a way to concede that your "morality" doesn't make you better than anyone else, maybe I'd even consider a debate. I don't see any of that happening anytime soon, so, until then, go choke on your alfalfa sprouts, have fun being totally deep and insightful at your coffee shop poetry slams, and eat a fucking dick.

Quick followup post. Read this. Or don't, whatever. The short story is some model got somebody taken to court and is filing a defamation suit against them for...

Writing on a blog that she was "skanky".

..... SRSLY?

Look, as I noted below in a post, death threats and shit like that online, yeah, okay, that has to be addressed, you can't do that.

But, uh, defamation suits for calling somebody skanky. That's a fucking joke. Lets make the world even more of a care bear lovefest where everybody is brought up to be a thin skinned pussy, great. RIP Internet, it was fun while it lasted.

No news today. News is stupid. Let's break down this...... uh..... girl. Maybe.



What the fuck, right? Yeah, I guess some thought provoking statements in what it's saying in the video, I don't know. I don't listen to women when they talk, and I this might be a girl, so I'm going to ignore it when it talks too. The content is irrelevant.

Frankly, if that's a girl, she has a voice that's about as arousing as the mental image of Dr. Phil shoving a ten gallon cowboy hat up his ass. A girls voice is an important factor to me, sorry. If a decent to above decent looking chick wants me and she has an obnoxious voice or laugh, I'm shutting her down and declining advances. I've seriously done that before. Which, when realizing I've only had sex with five different girls in my life was probably pretty fucking stupid.

I'm rambling. Back on verbally abusing this person that hasn't ever done anything to me. Okay, "she" has in "her" profile a "people have compared me to:" list which includes Janene Garofalo and Meg Griffin. Sweetie, THOSE WEREN'T COMPLIMENTS, KAY? Also the classic brilliant move of listing her FaceBook, Twitter, etc. Hi, I look like a girl and have a voice like a man who gets high sucking on car exhaust pipes, here's links to everything about me on the fucking internet. Well played.

Okay. If you put a gun to my head and told me to tell you if this was a guy or a girl, I'd say guy. I'm about 80% confident in that direction. "She" presents "herself" female enough that you'd assume "she" was for probably about a minute before you went "something aint right here". Or, y'know, if "she" started talking, the NO WAY meter would start beeping.

Whats more important here than the fact that the internet has another crossdressing freak is that we got another LOL ATHEIST I AM SO DIFFERENT clown that probably has that "You laugh at us because we're different, we laugh at you because you're all the same" Hot Topic t-shirt in ten different fucking shades of gray. As an Agnostic, I don't care for anyone who has the "I've figured out life and you haven't" mentality, regardless of which side of the religious scale they're on. You're all fucking annoying.

That's exactly what this girldude is. The type that babbles about how unique and thought provoking they are for their original idea that they just got out of somebody elses autobiography. You think fundamentalists are bad? You're right, they are, they're intolerable. Atheists are the same fucking thing with a different conclusion. If you're a girl, go make me a fucking sandwich, if you're a guy, shut up because nobody cares.

Bad font color for that picture. Fuck him, he doesn't deserve better. Well, it turns out I won't be seeing that special somebody as early as I thought I was going to. That's okay, it wasn't the best time. She's got a lot going on, and frankly so do I. Moving requires doing a lot of small tasks, plus my father just bought a really expensive set of old stamps. Those things aren't gonna just draw penises on themselves, y'know. So hey, guess who lied again just to build himself up as a story?

A source close to Brett Favre said the quarterback, pending a physical, will sign a contract with the Minnesota Vikings for between $10 million to $12 million, according to ESPN senior NFL analyst Chris Mortensen. - ESPN.com

SAY IT AIN'T SO SHOELESS FUCKING JOE, I TOTALLY BELIEVED HIM WHEN HE SAID HE WAS RETIRING THIS TIME. God damn shitballs gorillapenis ass barf. Here we go again.

Apparently ESPN was doing live coverage of him landing at some Vikings training facility and meeting Brad Childress. I say apparently because I don't watch ESPN due to it being an absolute joke of a network, but I believe it. Go put ESPN on, "Favre" is probably on the ticker, and they probably have two studio talking heads blabbing about him right now. I don't care if you read this two minutes after I post it or in a week, I'm confident that's what you'll find if you put it on.

As everybody who knows me knows, I'm a very positive person (LOL NOT REALLY AWESOME JOKE HUH SARCASM LOLOLOLOL HRURRHGASDADSLEWAV), so lets find the silver lining in this. Okay, the facts. Brett Favre is coming back again. Brett Favre is the most overrated player in the history of professional sports. Brett Favre is currently jerking off to this paragraph because it says Brett Favre in it four times. So, what do we come up with?

He's burning bridges so fast his head can't even keep up with all the stupid shit the rest of his body is doing. Green Bay fans loved this man, up til two years ago they'd rip their mothers eye out of its socket and hand him it if they thought it would make him happy. He is DEAD to them now. Jets fans.... well, fuck Jets fans, who cares what they think.

Fans of other teams such as myself generally didn't care for this guy, mainly due to the media pumping him up so much. Personally, he's my most hated athlete ever, and if I saw his legs get torn off during a game, I'd react by bursting out laughing and going to the liqour store for the largest bottle of champagne they had available.

EVERYBODY is sick of this guy, Vikings fans will be in that group shortly. Probably at the end of this year when he fucks their team over and then plays for another one in a couple months, like he's done everywhere else. Welcome back Brett, I look forward to ESPN kissing your ass while you blindly throw more interceptions that aren't even close to somebody on your team.

If you're even remotely surprised he's back, go get your fucking head examined. This is the least shocking thing that has ever happened.

Patriots are gonna be goooodddd this season yo. I done sawed that Tom Brady last night, he be all precise and..... nah I'm just kidding, this isn't a sports oriented post. You guys don't like those. Man, you should have seen the look on your face, I got you good you fucker. Check out this lightbulb.

An African-American man has pleaded guilty after being accused of impersonating a white supremacist in a fictitious Facebook account to make death threats against an African-American university student. - CNN.com

Rut roh raggy. Look, I understand trolling is the official sport of the internet, I've partaken in it at times myself (gasp), but come on. There are some very basic rules to keep in mind if you're going to do it.

1. Don't tell anyone to kill themselves, because if they do, you're fucked.

2. Don't use an account name that you use for others things, because it makes you very easy to be found, and when that happens, you're fucked.

3. Don't threaten people, because it is very illegal, and the trolling equivalent of a coke runner putting a sign that says "arrest me I have drugs" on the back of their car. It's begging something bad to happen to you, and it's a pristine form of evidence should anyone get sick of your shit and choose legal action against you. Aka you're fucked.

Look, I don't know what made you think this was funny (I could make a lame black joke here, but I'd like to keep SOMETHING on my "Ways I've Alienated Potential Groups Of Readers" list unchecked), it's pretty obscure.

A court document provided by the U.S. attorney's office said Hart told an FBI interviewer that he intended the threat to be a prank "to get a reaction." - CNN.com

Well, mission accomplished, I guess. If you're being interviewed by that particular governmental organization, you certainly got a reaction. Trolls, please keep this in mind before going on your next mission of generating lulz. "You got a big ass head", "you're gay", "your spelling sucks" = acceptable. "I'm going to kill you" = not acceptable. All that does is make the person go from "man, I wonder if I can nail this person for harassment" to "yep. I can definately get this person in trouble". It's all fun and games until you're a retard and end up sending yourself to prison.

So, yeah, I think that story below is bullshit. A good campaign by a dedicated group of bored internet basement dwellers that got semi-reputable news sources to pick up the story and run with it. Pretty funny, I'm going to leave it up for exactly that reason.

So, I don't really feel like writing a post today. Instead I'm going to rewrite an "article" written by some high school girl that will make you want to go out and punch a teenager in the face. Don't do it, authorities tend to frown on that, but it's a very natural reaction to this. The following is not edited in any way whatsoever, it is word for word. All typos are intentional and in the original. I was just going to attach the image but it looks like shit in this blog column. Now, without further ado, here are the thoughts of a brilliant young mind that responds with statements like "lip gloss rhymes with doggy" when her ashamed parents ask her how school was.

Marriage is something that every girl looks forward to during her childhood. I believe that every girl should marry every guy that is rich so they never have to work. Girls can just go and get their nails done and take the kids shopping. I dont think that college is neccessary becasue you go to school twelve years out of your life and after that you should be done. Men, I can understand if they want to go to school longer to get a better education to work on stuff they like to do. Every man should have money so he can support his family. Even if he doesn't want to get married I think all boys should go to college. I don't think girls should have to go to college. They are too busy with their life and family. But I can undertand if girls want to go to beauty school, cause every girl should have options but personally I don't think college is neccessary because girls need to be girls and get their nails done and go shopping. Have a great time. I'm not saying boys should have the life of work and disstress becaue they are humans but they need to work if they want to have a good life becasue obviously their wives won't be bringing home the money. I guarantee that no girl will marry a poor guy cause every girl wants the life of a princess. When your husband gets home from work you can go out to eat with all the money he makes and also pay all the bills. Girls should all have back up plans but nothing that is full time and nothing that needs college to succeed. Maybe like a day care out of your home. So girls, have fun. Boys, start working!

Good to see that a public school, y'know, the things intended to educate and better our youth, ARE LETTING THIS BE PUBLISHED IN THEIR PAPER VIA A JOURNALISM CLASS. Credit to Encyclopedia Dramatica for being where I discovered this fucking idiot. Credit to her mother for almost making it the full 9 months without drinking heavily. If you'll excuse me, I'm going to go outside to my car parked in the driveway, climb inside, close the door, and scream at the top of my lungs until I crap one of them out

Hidely hay, get-a-lifers! Sorry I haven't been posting as frequently, I'm sure all 15 of you are really disappointed. I've had a lot going on with the new housing conditions. Y'see, there's some needless insulation that needs to be removed and my father is being a real baby about getting in there and tearing it out. Something about me being ungrateful and putting dirt in his instant coffee container, I dunno. Lets talk about cocks.

Frankly, I've been hearing way too much about the damn things lately. First a few days ago I learned what "bug collectors" are, which, to put it in summary form, bug collectors are gay men that deliberately get HIV. They hold parties and invite HIV+ men, specifically tell them they want to "get the gift", and let them plow them. That isn't a bad joke lacking a clear punchline. I'm completely fucking serious. Talking about that would be a much more interesting and horrifying post, but I really don't want to.

So, let's go to "Lady" GaGa. Here's a fun fact, she has a penis. Srsly. A few people have called bullshit on this, and they may very well be right, but here's the facts. Her dong was visible at a recent event, and she admitted to having one.

"It’s not something that I’m ashamed of, just isn’t something that I go around telling everyone. Yes. I have both male and female genitalia, but I consider myself a female. It’s just a little bit of a penis and really doesn’t interfere much with my life. The reason I haven’t talked about it is that it’s not a big deal to me. Like come on. It’s not like we all go around talking about our vags. I think this is a great opportunity to make other multiple gendered people feel more comfortable with their bodies. I’m sexy, I’m hot. I have both a poon and a peener. Big f*cking deal." - Lady Gage, ClevelandLeader.com

Yeah, I know. When I see a surprising story on a website I've never heard of, I immediately think "credible source". They do have a picture and a video of the dong in question though, both of which you can check out here if you're fucking retarded.

Here's the interesting question though. Lady Gaga has done stunts like having her hair done to resemble a giant button, a style that clearly negatively affected her ability to eat, see in front of her, and so on. She once to a tv interview wore a suit made out of kermit the frog plush dolls. Lady GaGa is the most deplorable kind of person in the media, the kind that does "crazy" things just to get attention. OMG GAIZ LOOK AT ME I IS WEARING A SOOT MADE OF FROG TOYZ LOLOLOLOL OMGOMG THATS SO WILD I'M SUCH A CHARISMATIC CHARACTER... fuck you, bitch. You want to know something about people who are LOLRANDOM just to be LOLRANDOM? Let me tell you, this gets its own paragraph for emphasis.

People who do socially awkward things on purpose all the time, people who make profiles on dating websites and put "I'm really crazy and weird in a fun way", etc are personality wise the most boring human beings on the fucking planet.

So, it's entirely possible the cock is a fake one, meant to be exposed just to get people talking about her. Lady GaGa is ABSOLUTELY that big of an attention whore. It's like Tom Green back when people cared he existed, only significantly worse and somehow even more blatant. Lets get to that question.

Which would be worse, her having a cock, or her being so much of a shameless, lame ass self promoter that she used a fake one as a prop to gain publicity?

Do you have the answer? I don't. I guess what I'm trying to say is I fucking hate Lady GaGa.

Interesting day. Somebody pretty important in my life is leaving soon, but I also learned at an early hour somebody I care about could be making an appearance 'round these parts soon. Not under the best circumstances, but still, pretty cool. I also learned a few other things. First, my father's computer chair has steel beams in the legs which makes them really hard to saw 2/3 through before he sits down in it again. Secondly, I really, really, really hate watching Manny DelCarmen pitch.

The next time I hear a woman say I'll never understand the agony of childbirth, I'll respond "fuck you, I've watched Manny DelCarmen pitch". It's always such a needless God damn adventure. Every count has to go full, there needs to be three closeup shots per at bat of his stupid goatee and deer in the headlights look, the whole experience frankly sucks.

I swear, if you ever find out you have a year left to live, go get all the videotapes (lol, videotapes) of Manny DelCarmen pitching you can find. Watch them. That year will feel like thirty. They won't be quality years, but still. In a half inning of pitching, I watched through my window next to the TV a forest get bulldozed and fourteen houses get built. It is so fucking painful.

Hey, at least this game has had action though. Three hours and 41 minutes long so far, bottom of the 13th inning, and the score is 0-0. On the plus side, if we get to the 15th or so I'll get to see the RedSox new callup pitch, and he's a Jap with a diesel mullet. So, that's kind of cool, I guess. If you'll excuse me, I'm going to go glue every orifice but my mouth shut, turn on the garden hose, and shove it down my throat.

So, how'd that second post yesterday work out for ya? Disappointed? Good, that means you're reading. I got an interesting story to talk about today, it's about a woman in town who yelled at me. I responded "I hope your pussy isn't as big as your fucking mouth". Well, okay, not so much a story as a witty retort that shows how poorly I handle confrontation, but whatever. Let's talk about some women in Wisconsin, at least one of which has about as much sex appeal as a bad case of leukemia.

A married man who planned to rendezvous with one of his handful of lovers at an eastern Wisconsin motel instead found himself bound, blindfolded and assaulted by a group of women out for revenge, according to court documents. - Yahoo.com

One of them was his wife. Look, I'm not going to tell you how to run your lover triangles.. quadrangles.. whatever, but here's a fun tip. Make sure the women you're having sex with don't frequently talk to your wife. All you got to do is piss them off, and GEE, I WONDER WHO THEIR FIRST REVENGE IDEA WILL ENTAIL?

Four women, including his wife, eventually showed up to humiliate the man, who ended up with his penis glued to his stomach - Yahoo.com

Yikes. Well, I guess their second idea for extracting revenge isn't much fun either. I guess thats why it's called revenge and not getting drunk and jumping into the ball pool at your local Discovery Zone. What, Discovery Zone got shut down? Poor fat middle aged predators, people keep making shit so difficult for them to live out their dreams...

Here's another mistake. This guy agreed to let a woman tie him up in a motel room. Look. If bondage is your thing, fine, but have you never watched a sitcom or a movie before? Don't let people tie you up in motel rooms. Just don't. That's about as smart as letting a militant feminist doctor with a note on her door reading "Missing bracelet, please contact Dr. Bulldyke if you shit it out" give you a colonoscopy.

Good to see these women each got freed on $200 bail. You glue a guys dong to his stomach and it doesn't even cost you four digits to get out of the holding cell. Yet, if I throw a can of Sunkist out my window on the road and a cop sees me, I'm out a mandatory $500. That's just super.

Hey folks. Sorry about yesterday, I'm not sure that post was my best work. My father even had the nerve to be a little critical of it today while I was outside trying to tip over his car in the driveway. It's like, dude, I'm busy. Still a little embarrassing to be taken down a peg like that. You know what else is embarrassing? Getting indicted for three charges because you accidentally shot yourself.

Plaxico Burress has been indicted by a Manhattan grand jury investigating a gun charge against the former New York Giants wide receiver, New York City prosecutors said.

Burress shot himself in the thigh at a Manhattan nightclub in November. - ESPN.com

Man, I hate when that happens. You know, when I was 13, I put the blade of a butterfly knife about an inch and a half into the back of my leg because I wasn't bright enough to close it up properly before putting it in my pocket. It was at that point I said to myself "you know what, I don't think carrying a loaded gun is a good idea for me". I'm thinking Plax had a similar situation growing up, but he didn't put two and two together.

Man, that had to be an awkward moment for Plax. It's pretty difficult to shoot yourself in the leg and still look tough. That's somewhere in the realm of taking your shirt off trying to look sexy for a girl, and a peanut butter and jelly sandwich falls out of your armpit. Jessica just laughed and laughed, it was terrible...

That's all for now, I might post again today. I felt the need to point out there's a man who could be going to jail for up to 15 years (he won't, but it's theoretically possible) because he accidentally shot himself. Kthxbai!

Edit: Wow, I went a whole post without swearing. That's fucked up.

Odd picture to captain that way, I know. I did a Google image search of "stupid bitch" and all I got was porn and Paris Hilton, so this is what you get. Nobody wants to see a picture of that blonde preying mantis freak. Frustrating search. It made me so angry that I krazy glued my fathers laptop to the ceiling. Not as creative as my idea of injecting Toliet Duck into all his beer cans and welding them back shut, but that required way too much effort for today. I'll do it tomorrow. So, hey, want me to explain why our country is fucked in two words?

Trina Thompson.

Trina graduated from Monroe College in April, proudly holding some stupid degree nobody gives a shit about. Now, she's..... just...... ugh. Read this.

"They have not tried hard enough to help me," the beleaguered Bronx resident wrote in her lawsuit, filed July 24 in Bronx Supreme Court. - NBCNewYork.com

Yeah. She filed a lawsuit against the college because she's been out of school for a whopping 3+ months and somehow hasn't landed a job yet in the middle of a fucking recession. Hell, she'll probably sue me too for writing nasty things about her if she finds this. Suck my dick Trina, your mentality is the reason we're in this recession in the first place. You and brokeNCYDE.

You've been out of college for a little over three months. What the hell did you think would happen? Graduate, go home, get drunk, get railed by three guys at once, wake up, have job? No. That's not how it works, pumpkin.

Look. I went to a broadcasting school and was pissed I couldn't get a job with my "diploma" from it too, but I didn't sue them. I said "hmm, I guess this school isn't very useful. Shit." and moved on with my life. And you know what? I was right, the school I went to closed down a year later, and the national chain of them died off a few months ago. Boo hoo. Is suing them going to get you a job? Is it, Trina?

You make me want to puke. Maybe you have horrible interview skills. Maybe you aimed for positions you weren't qualified for. Maybe.... you know, maybe this has something to do with you. We all feel super bad for you that the university didn't hold your hand and didn't set up a position for you to take once you graduated, Trina, seriously, tough break, you sound like such a great kid, but grow up. How bout I go get a cheeseburger at McDonalds and then sue them for not unwrapping the fucking thing for me, mm?

Crybabies like you are why we're going down the tubes as a country. You always want to blame somebody else when its your fault. Hell, I talked about this recently, the ugly girl who fell down the hole because she was texting and not looking in front of her. That's you. That's you, Trina. Instead of going outside and getting firewood, you're bitching about nobody giving it to you while you're shoving styrofoam in the furnace.

Listen, you. Wanting something does not = being entitled to it. If that was the case, I'd be balls deep in Kim Kardasian right now.

Hay gaiz. Just wanted to pop in and see how you're doing. Me? I'm fucking busy, okay? I got potential condo purchase stuff going on, important people in my life moving away, a piece of shit Jeep that only works one out of every three weeks, and my father bought this new safety ladder that's really tough to kick out from under him, which is stressing me out. Frankly, I haven't had the motivation when I find a few moments to log on here, and plus, nothing funny has really been happening.

A few things here and there, but not much. Here's a link to a story about some chick who called 911 because her french fries were cold at a restaurant, complete with audio of the call. Go figure, it's an enormous black woman.

Well, there's more support to the theory that women shouldn't be allowed to operate anything that doesn't produce a meatloaf or a clean shirt, I guess. Oh, fuck you, sexism is funny and you know it is. Anyway. Just checking in quick to let you guys know I didn't forget about you..... I just don't really care about you. Here's a completely irrelevant picture of Phillip Rivers looking like a retard. There, kiss my ass, sports segment covered.