Earlier my father made me a steak sandwich for breakfast and asked me how it was, so I knocked it on the floor and asked him if that answered his question. A few minutes later, I thought to myself "you know what? That wasn't very rational, I think something may be wrong with me". Thankfully, I then found Stephon Marbury's video...blog...pod...cast.... live internet show thing. By comparison, I am one bland, normal sumbitch.

Basically, Stephon is mentally unstable, and thinks sitting in front of a webcam shirtless and screaming at the internet will make things better. I've had his channel open for about twenty minutes now, after hearing the radio and other sources tell me a crazy black man was self destructing on a live stream. So far, he's threatened one person in the chat room, yelled "I'm doing me, I mean me, I'm doing me, I mean me, I'm doing me, I mean me" multiple times, and at one point ate a big glob of Vaseline for no apparent reason.

Occaionally, Starbury gets up and starts dancing around to terrible music, or sits like a poor knockoff of The Thinker with his finger jammed into his skull near one of his tattoos. The fact that I can cite his finger being on his head and near a tattoo at the same time does a pretty good job of establishing what kind of person we're looking at here.

He talks about how people in his life have died. For a couple minutes, he held a phone to his ear and had a conversation. I'm quite confident there was nobody on the phone. I've been repeatedly spamming in the chat "PUT SHOE ON HEAD". He hasn't done it yet, but he will. Motherfucker ate Vaseline.

There are two groups of people in this world. People who admit they like seeing other people have meltdowns, and people who lie. Go check it out, it appears he has the camera on 24/7, so odds are he'll be there. He promised me that it was early and we have a long day ahead.

So, interesting fact, I recently found out my father reads this blog. Small world, huh? That's both awesome and terrifying, kind of like a tiny white girl with a large, round ass. I guess I'll have to get rid of the introductory stories about my objectionable antics now . From now on I'll have to stick to my more wholesome hobbies, like making fun of Autistic children and randomly taking dumps in peoples mail slots.

Sports... sports... well, Mark Buerhle threw a perfect game today, but that's not funny, so fuck him. Lets talk about the NFL's decision to make the draft even more torturous.

Commissioner Roger Goodell notified teams Thursday that the draft will be spread over three days in 2010, running Thursday, April 22, through Saturday, April 24. - ESPN.com

Oh goody. Now I can wonder what the fuck is wrong with my life for three days as opposed to two. Thanks Roger. The way the draft is set up now, shit takes so long to happen that by the time the Patriots end up picking, I usually have forgotten what I was doing and miss the pick, too busy looking at the ceiling and making sure it's where I left it.

Look, I'm aware 39 million viewers watched the draft last year (because I just read it). I know it's a big thing, and despite being about as enjoyable as hopping into a bath tub full of syringes and battery acid, the results of it are extremely important. But three days?

WHY? WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS?

As it is written, the first round will be a stand alone event on April 22nd. Good idea, I guess, unless you follow a team like mine that ends up trading their pick after it takes nineteen hours to get to their slot.

Rounds two and three will be at night on the 23rd, which means if everybody I know suddenly dies, I have a backup plan for my birthday that requires nothing more than a TV, malt liqour, and a very large knife.

Rounds four through seven start at 10am on the 24th, because everybody wants to start their day watching two hours of players they've never fucking heard of get drafted.

I don't get it. I understand trying to promote your product further, but I'm not seeing how a daytime show for the bottom three rounds is a real crowd draw. If another network is running Kangaroo Jack or The Best Of Pauly Shore, you're going to lose your audience.

Maybe this is why Goodell is where he is, and I'm on a laptop telling him he's stupid. Or, maybe this is just as retarded an idea as it sounds, because anything I write is automatically true. Dane Cook fucks farm animals.

Labels: nfl draft roger goodell why GodJesus why

I usually don't do these, as of this moment only about 25 people read this fucking thing and I like to be more entertaining, but bear (bare?) with me for today. I gotta pull two final projects out of my ass today that are due later in the week because I have a fun couple of days of wakes and funerals coming up. By the way, I got attacked by a bat in my kitchen this morning. Seriously, fuck my life, at least I'm moving into a new apartment in a week and a half.

Okay. So I've gotten more complaints/notifications that my comments are fucked up and blogger presents a catchpa with nothing below it to write the catchpa into. That sucks, but it explains why the past couple posts have had no response. I'll be bitching to blogger about it shortly, as I'd rather wait two weeks for them to get back to me than figure out what the fucking problem is myself. In the meantime, if you feel I REALLY have to hear any of your stupid little opinions, you can mail them to wtfeverythingstaken@yahoo.com.

Send anything else there too, for the time being. Stories you'd like my take on, death threats, closeups of Goatse, whatever. Look for some blog modifying in the relatively near but not immediate future. If you know anything about this shit and how to make it more gooderer/why it are not currently un-bad, that's another good reason to mail me. Kthxbai

INCOMING MESSAGE FROM THE BIG GIANT HEAD: You can tab your way to the catchpa type in window, I've been informed. You won't see what you're writing, but it's being written. So, do that, don't fuck up, hit enter. An commenter is you!

Labels: blogger can eat my fuck

On a serious note, my grandmother passed away over the weekend, so this week is going to suck and I'm pretty bummed out right now. But, the show must go on, and even in my saddest moments, I can still find time to take shots at Brett Favre. Time to blow off some steam.

Three things in life make me want to puke. Turkey burgers, Soulja Boy's bank account, and anything involving Brett Favre without the phrases "overrated", "douche bag", and "irritating sack of fuck" being used. GUESS WHAT GUYS, BRETT IS PROBABLY GOING TO PLAY AGAIN THIS SEASON!!!!!11111oneone! If you thought even for a second he was going to go away, you deserve the dismay you felt when it became clear he was going to come back. Again.

Favre told The Associated Press last week that he is still testing his surgically repaired throwing arm, but expects to give the Vikings an answer on playing for them by July 30. - ESPN.com

How considerate. I mean, it's not like he held the Packers hostage for years while a better quarterback sat on the bench behind him. It's not like he screwed them over, then proceeded to screw the Jets over. Brett is a straight shooter. When he says he's retiring, he means it. For about five fucking minutes.

Here we go again. Time for ESPN, which has been a pathetic excuse for a network for years, to bust out the Favre tab on the sports ticker again. Time to fill SportCenter with Brett Favre stat sheets showing all the stats he's ranked #1 all time in, and time to convieniently forget to put "Interceptions" on that list like you always do. Lets celebrate how he made a career off throwing the ball as far as he could and hoping somebody caught it, but lets ignore the fact that a third of the time the person who caught it was on another team.

The only good thing about Brett "I can't pronounce my last name right" Favre coming back is it gives me a chance to see him get hurt. Is he better than the current options for quarterback the Vikings have? Sure. Jackson sucks, and Sage Rosenfels became Sage Epicfail in my book against the Colts last year. Of course he's better, in the same sense that a shitty old car that starts is better than a new car flipped over and in flames on the side of the highway. He's better by default.

Get ready for another stomach turning season of Favre ass kissing, football fans. Once again, the most overrated athlete in the history of sports will return. Deadline my ass, this deal has been done for a while.

By the way, if you think THIS TIME is it, nope. Brett will come back again next year. You know why? Brett didn't care about the Packers. He didn't care about the Jets. He won't care about the Vikings either. Brett Favre will be back again because Brett Favre can't stand living in a world that isn't talking about Brett Favre.

Labels: brett favre sucks gorilla penis

Somebody has to stop Seth McFarlane before he finishes completely ruining TV. Period. Enough is fucking enough.

Look, I'm aware the formula of a dumb father, a disgruntled mother, a slightly less dumb son, a misunderstood daughter and a baby is groundbreaking and has never been done before, but somebody tell this guy to shut the fuck up. Family Guy was a very funny show up until Fox cancelled it. Then, it came back in 2004, and it's pretty much been a pile of shit ever since. Occasionally a good episode, but the formula is basically this:

-LOL OMG STEWIE IS GAY LOL GET IT LOL jokes driven home constantly
-OMG RANDOM LOL cutaways to distract from how bad the story is
-Eight minutes of "original storyline" consisting of agonizingly lame and uninspired jokes (remember when Lois was Peter's love in that old-timey episode and her name was Lady Redbush? WASN'T THAT SO FUCKING FUNNY?)

Then you have American Dad, which is the same God damn thing. Occasionally funny, but usually not. It's basically a compilation of things that didn't make it into the last Family Guy episode. Up to this point, I could deal.

Allow me to introduce you to what is going to be the brokeNCYDE of animated television, The Cleveland Show aka Black Family Guy:



Boy. That was pretty funny. I think I would have rather pissed croutons for the last 41 seconds. Even better, when I saw a topic about this on a message board I frequent, I made a passive comment about how repetitive the formula is by asking "I wonder what kind of talking animal Seth will make a main character in this show?"

"Bears." Somebody responded almost immediately.

Yep, bears. I was joking, I figured Seth would at least mix things up a LITTLE bit, but nope. Fucking bears. This is bullshit. The last drops of talent and humor got squeezed out of this hack at least five years ago, now he's just making progressively worse versions of THE EXACT SAME FUCKING SHOW, and Fox, having absolutely no programming beyond Chef Gordon Ramsey whatsoever, is finding a spot for all of them. Unreal.

I understand the move, though. I mean, Cleveland is such an engaging and fun character. There's so much going on there. He's totally more than a lame ass football pun. Fuck you so much Fox, you're lucky you got Hell's Kitchen and a NFL contract.

Like the title? Me either, suggest a better one. It won't be hard.

Nothing warms my bitter, black heart like hearing about somebody losing well over $100 million in a little over a decade due to sheer stupidity. And by warming my heart, I mean enraging me. Jesus Christ, Antoine. I haven't wanted to smack somebody in their head for their idiocy more since watching a two minute video of a Juggalo (read, not jiggalo, those actually have sex) talking about why he was against the war in Iraq, and stating "I understand we need to be there because they bombed the World Trade Center".

A warrant has been issued for the arrest of former NBA star Antoine Walker on criminal charges stemming from $822,500 in gambling debts. - ESPN.com

Whoops. Still, that happens all the time, sadly. That, in itself, is not what drives me nuts here. Antoine played in the NBA for thirteen seasons, he made between contracts, shoe deals, and etc a minimum of $99 million. More realistic is a number around the realm of $110 million when all is said and done. Antoine was busted two days ago and remained in jail on about $70,000 bail for a minimum of 24 hours, he may well still be there. To me, that would imply he no longer has $70,000,

Lets take this further. Antoine was bought out of his contract during last season, March if my research is correct. Sometime last year, okay. He got a little over $7 million right there to clean out his locker and go home. So, on top of everything else, he's lost at least $7 million in the past year.

So, with warrants out for his arrest for bouncing checks in Vegas casinos, where was Antoine found by the police yesterday? Probably not in a Vegas casino, right?

He was found early Thursday morning inside Harrah's Casino in South Lake Tahoe. - KVBC.com

Indeed! Not just a casino, but a casino linked to Caesar's Palace, one of the casinos he bounced checks at! That's like breaking out of a holding cell at a police station, then going there the next day to ask for a leaf burning permit. Antoine.... come on.

I don't consider gambling to be a disease like some people, because I don't think you can yell at people for having a disease, and I want to yell at Antoine. Look, I'm not good with money. I like immediate self gratification, and I like treating people I love to things to see them happy. I could blow $110 million in thirteen years, but only if I was REALLY making an effort. That is fucking hard to do.

These athletes need like, mandatory courses before they go into their respective league, or something. Yes, you are about to make a lot more money than an overwhelming majority of the population will ever see. Guess what? It's still money, and if you're retarded, you'll still run out of it. This guy has a REAL problem.

What a fantastic day today is turning out to be. First I agree to a 12 month lease on an apartment that is perfect for me, and now I get flesh eating robots. Throw Gianna Michaels covered in baby oil on my bed, hand me a pastrami sandwich, and its pretty much the day I would create for myself if I was God. Check this shit out!

A Maryland company under contract to the Pentagon is working on a steam-powered robot that would fuel itself by gobbling up whatever organic material it can find — grass, wood, old furniture, even dead bodies. - Foxnews.com

HOW COOL IS THAT? The company named the robot Energetically Autonomous Tactical Robot, which, for short, is EATR. Good to see the sadistic fucks creating flesh eating robots have a sense of humor. They'll need that when the machines become self aware and start gnawing on their face.

These robots appear to be scouting robots for the military, with the idea being they can go years without refueling, as they can get energy out of biomass stuff. I don't like them describing them like that, though. Photoshop some images of a real bad looking robot with a cigar in its mouth (think Bender from Futurama with giant claws) and let the bad guys get a look of that on the internet. I can't think of anything that would scare the fucking shit out of terrorists more than the knowledge that we're letting robots that feast on flesh roam the earth looking for them.

In any event, this is pretty sweet. The fact that we're designing machines capable of consuming dead bodies is all the proof you need that we're going completely batshit insane, and our scientists are getting really bored. Somewhere out there we got a bunch of Dr. Weird's from Aqua Teen Hunger Force working on this stuff, and that is very awesome.

Tough day for news. I was going to write about this guy who does "mathemagic" doing shows with calculators and shit, but the video was fifteen minutes long, and I was hoping to play with my cock before 3:30. So, let's talk about how Southwest doesn't notice they're flying planes with foot long holes in the fucking ceiling.

Passengers aboard a Nashville-to-Baltimore flight Monday said they could see through the hole above them, just in front of the plane's tail. - MSNBC.com

That's good. I'm so glad I flew Southwest last summer..... to Baltimore. Wasn't willingly being in freakin Baltimore enough punishment without putting a sunroof in the fucking airplane? How does something like this happen, and how does nobody not notice?

Lets just say hypothetically one plane flew above another one at one point or another, and some really bored guy thought it would be fun to start pouring thermite he somehow managed to get onto an airplane on top of the one below him. He'd be hanging out of an airplane, so somebody would probably be like "hey, cut that shit out", but I can't think of anything else. I can't figure out how a one foot hole would be present on a commercial airline and nobody would notice it happening.

::THUMP::

"What the hell was that, Co-Pilot Stevedave?"

"I don't know, Captain Slapfuck. Reckon we should just keep going."

"Don't you think we should at least have somebody go check?"

"Nah."

It's okay, I guess. I mean, professionals in the field are pretty upset and feel terrible that something like this happened.

"but whatever caused that hole, it didn't cause the whole airplane to blow up." - Alten Grandt, some aeronautics professor at Purdue, MSNBC.com

Well yeah, I suppose you're right. We did this yesterday with the Washington Nationals story, though. When I steal people's cars, they're generally still pretty pissed when I yell out the window "hey, at least I didn't kill you". Is this where we're at, we have planes flying around with gaping holes in them, and we say LOL OOPS and point out the plane didn't explode? One less reason to go to the airport, I guess. Quite disturbing.

I know, I know, a majority of my readerbase doesn't give a shit about sports. Ironic considering the address. Sorry, this needs to be discussed, the Washington Nationals have had a couple of days that just make no sense whatsoever. Read this slowly and carefully, or you're going to get lost. Seriously. I know exactly what I'm trying to say, and even I'm confused writing it.

First, the Nationals and my boy Julian Tavarez lost a game, and the winning pitcher on the other team didn't throw a pitch. Alan Embree came into a game for the Rockies with two outs in the 8th inning, picked off a runner at first, and then went to the dugout, done for the day. The Nationals responded by fucking up in the bottom of the inning and giving the Rockies the lead.

“I messed up and threw it to the wrong guy,” [Nationals pitcher Joe] Beimel said. “I did everything right up until that point." - Yahoo Sports

Gee, I wonder why they're not winning much. I was making chicken salad. I put a teaspoon of salt into a mixing bowl, then I shoved the knife in the toaster and my other arm in the garbage disposal while screaming racial slurs at a black man I saw out my window. I did everything right up until that point.

It gets even better. THE NEXT FUCKING DAY (July 9) the Washington Nationals and Houston Astros resumed a game that had been suspended due to rain on May 5th. Baseball's fucked up like that. Joel Hanrahan had been the last pitcher on the mound for the Nationals, and they were winning at the time. The game was completed, the Nationals maintained their lead. Hanrahan was the winning pitcher.

Since that game, Joel Hanrahan had been traded to the Pittsburgh Pirates. The Nationals won a game behind a pitcher that was not on their roster. I understand if at this point you need to go back and re-read this, this is too fucked up to interpret correctly the first time through.

How did [Hanrahan] learn he finally has a win this season: “I got a bunch of text messages.” - Yahoo Sports

In two days, the Washington Nationals lost to a pitcher that didn't throw a pitch, then won a game that their winning pitcher wasn't on their fucking team. Okay, that makes sense. It's times like this I can't explain why I enjoy baseball. If you'll excuse me, I'm going to go pop an ibuprofen and lay down, my head hurts.

It was an accident waiting to happen -- an open sewer and a 15-year-old girl who was texting while she walked. - WCBStv.com

Mm. Accident waiting to happen, you say. As hilarious as this story is, the report kind of angered me. Some retarded high school girl couldn't pull her phone away from her face and fell down a hole in broad daylight, and she's being treated like she was sexually assaulted. Look at this.


YIKES. How many times did she hit her face when she fell? Thank God there isn't a larger picture of her available. I also like how it has her as a "victim" in the description, the only thing she's a victim of is having the IQ of a Charleston Chew. Well, you know what they say, if this is what she looks like physically, she's probably a very intelligent, sweet girl, right?

"It was just really gross and it was shocking and scary," [Alexa] said. "Because of their careless mistake I got hurt." -WCBStv.com

Let me get this straight. You fell down a hole in broad daylight because you were walking around texting, and you have the fucking gall to accuse somebody else of making a careless mistake? That's like stapling your nutsack to the wall and then calling somebody ignorant for not putting up a sign advising you to do otherwise. It gets better.

"Regardless of whether I'm texting or not if there was a cone there I'm gong to see a big orange cone," [Alexa] said. -WCBStv.com

Didn't see the GIGANTIC FUCKING GAPING HOLE though, huh? I love this world we live in today. This moron is the result of little league baseball games that nobody keeps score, and coin operated games at bowling alleys/arcades that state on the front "guaranteed to win a prize every time". It irritates the hell out of me.

Nothing is anybodys fault anymore. Nobody can tell dear Alexa that she fell in a hole in broad daylight because she's a fucking dumbass. No, there should have been somebody there with a bullhorn yelling "DO NOT WALK INTO THIS HOLE" every nineteen seconds. She's allowed to call somebody else irresponsible, yet nobody points out the irony in her statement and that she got hurt because she wasn't looking where she was going.

Look, I know, waaaaahhh she's a 15 year old girl don't make fun of her, blah blah blah. I'm not saying I want her to kill herself or anything, so relax. It'd just be nice if she'd accept a little accountability for this happening. I've sure done my share of embarassing/flat out stupid shit in my life, and yeah, when its something small, I try to pass the buck too. When its something as flat out dumb as this though, I shrug my shoulders, say "yeah, I fucked up", and then make a joke at my own expense to lighten the mood. It worked out great the time that girl caught me jerking off into her microwave.

Actions have consequences. If you'll excuse me, I'm going to go find a dad shooting free throws with his kid and interrupt him while he's giving his son encouragement. No, Timmy, you didn't miss because the rim is messed up, you missed because you suck at basketball.

The Ultimate Fighting Championship has carved out a historic corner for UFC 100. Despite the fact that more than 100 UFC shows have gone in the books, the symbolic century mark transforms this July event from usual summer sizzle show to organizational milestone. - ESPN.com

Seriously, am I the only guy who finds UFC like..... REALLY gay? I don't understand the appeal here, and you're talking about a guy that up until about a year ago was a passionate independent wrestling fan. I know, wrestling, pretty homo, right? Lets compare indy wrestling and UFC.

Indy wrestling, guys who get paid in Gobstoppers and Burger King coupons beat the ever living fuck out of each other with flourescant lighttubes, VCRs, vacuum cleaners, basically whatever the crowd brings from their house and hands them to whale on each other with. Guys get permanently injured fucking up falls 30 feet off a scaffold through a table and landing on their face. Awesome.

UFC, two sweaty barely clothed guys wrap their arms around each other and roll around on the mat. A fifteen minute match can consist of about 35 total seconds of standing up, and 14:25 of guys on the floor grinding their cocks on each other while they're "trying to get a submission". Gay.

I mean, fuck, I'm all about grown men beating the crap out of each other. I'm a guy that thinks we should clean out death row by putting inmates in gladiator deathsports and putting it on pay per view for Christ sake. You want to see cool brawling? Check out this clip below.




You see that? In like 40 seconds, Milan Lucic kills three of the five guys on the ice, then gets into a fight and beats the shit out of a fourth. He probably would have shoved his skate up the ass of another and then hurled racial slurs at the goalie if they didn't put him in the penalty box by then.

That's how its done, UFC guys. I'm aware you could all kick my ass, but from the looks of it, you'd rather fuck it first. Stand up and punch each other in the face, and you will have my approval. Roll around on the ground caressing each other, and I will continue to call your sport what I think it is. Extremely, extremely gay.

We're gonna do this a little differently, this is more of a PSA than it is news. I'm warning you about something horrible, called brokeNCYDE. Speaking as a man who burst out laughing watching 2girls1cup, I can safely say nothing on the internet has traumatized me more than this "band". Before I even continue, if you're one of the lucky individuals that is wondering "what's brokeNCYDE", allow me to ruin your day.

Listen to as much of the audio on the "video" below as you can before having an overwhelming urge to kill yourself. For me, it was about 55 seconds. In order to understand what I'm going to write from here on out, sorry, you have to understand just how horrible this shit is. And yes, it's going to be just as painful as the video thumbnail indicates.



Ya still with me? Sorry about that. Hard to believe as this may be, that's actually better than the other two "songs" of theirs I got a third of the way through before seriously contemplating a round of "drink the bottles I find under the bathroom sink".

BrokeNCYDE was the brainchild of vocalists Se7en(David) and Mikl(Mike). According to them, the etymology of the band name comes from the idea of their music being fundamentally broken or "broken inside" due to their relationship problems. - Wikipedia

I know, Wikipedia isn't a credible source, but this isn't a credible band, so fuck it. Just looking at them in their "Freaxxx" music video made me want to grab the little fuckers through the screen and crush them in my angry, angry hands. The absurdly over the top scenester outfits, the big smiles like they're cool while randomly screaming, the techno, the shitty lyrics, everything about them makes me want to puke baked beans and Hershey's syrup all over the place.

Even worse, though their YouTube videos with millions of views are at least 50% negative comments, there are actually "people" who like this shit. Their MySpace has hundreds of thousands of fans. THEY DO LIVE SHOWS.

This trash, this fucking audible cancer, this worthless shit that I, somebody with virtually no musical ability could produce something far superior to, has people paying to hear it. That's comparable to somebody beating your fucking brains in, taking your wallet, and as they're walking away you shouting "hey, hold on, I got a $20 in my other pocket!"

Bashing things usually makes me feel better about myself, especially when the bashing is as justified as it is in this case. When it comes to brokeNCYDE, however, the only thing I come out of this feeling good about is someday I'm going to be old and decrepit enough that I'm going to forget I saw this.

Part of me wanted to believe that this was satire. Part of me wanted to believe it was simply a joke that I didn't get. I did my research, folks, and unfortunately, this is very real. The fact that brokeNCYDE exists at all is proof there is no God, the fact that they have achieved some level of success is exactly why this country is in a fucking recession.

I don't even know how to end this. If you like this shit, you're beyond help, so I'd be wasting my time. I have never wanted to beat the fuck out of somebody in a YouTube video more than watching brokeNCYDE, and yes, I've seen Fred.

BOOM, and anotha' one. Maybe Body Count really is in the house, as they clearly state 497 times in their 1992 single "Body Count's In The House". Maybe people repeatedly commenting "DID HE DIED" on every single FailBlog video on YouTube are up to more than just trolling. Whatever it is, this is getting ridiculous. Add another well known name to the recently deceased list.

Former NFL quarterback Steve McNair, who led the famous Tennessee Titans' drive that came a yard short of forcing overtime in the 2000 Super Bowl, was found dead Saturday with multiple gunshot wounds, including one to the head. - ESPN.com

Jesus Christ, dude. Well, I do remember that drive. 87 yards in like a minute and a half if I recall correctly, ended when some Rams player who I forget came out of absolutely fucking nowhere and made the game saving tackle at the one yard line. Admiring McNair for being the toughest motherfucker to play quarterback since Steve DeBerg, and not really liking the Rams, I felt bad for him. Almost did it.

I'd like to point out another interesting quote in this article, if I may. The "Neely" dood rented the condo with McNair or something.

Neeley told authorities he went into the condo, saw McNair on the sofa and Kazemi on the floor but walked first into the kitchen before going back into the living room, where he saw the blood. - ESPN.com

Typically, when I walk into a room, see one person "unconscious" on a couch and another on the floor, my initial reaction isn't "I'm gonna go make a sandwich". I'm not saying I think this Neely guy was involved, I doubt it, I just find that description a little odd. Makes you wonder what kind of relationship McNair and this chick had that seeing them randomly lying places didn't seem like anything unusual.

We'll find out more in the coming days, I guess. Right now, its looking like the chick who was with him blasted him then offed herself, but that's just speculation on my part. Seems that way, Steve got the shit blasted out of him and I believe I saw she only had a gunshot to the head. Who knows. Worthy of note though, this girl got busted for DUI a couple days earlier, and refused a breathalyzer while stating she wasn't drunk, she was high.

Unfortunate incident, and it sounds like it could be a pretty fucked up one by the time all the details come out. Stay tuned.

UPDATE: It was the jealous lover in the living room with the pistol, according to sources. Here's where I'd say "I told you so", but I think it was pretty obvious to anybody who read the initial releases of the story.

I've been told today is a holiday of some sort. So, happy holiday that happens in July, I guess. Man, Christmas just keeps coming earlier every year. Speaking of Christmas, the hambeast above provided the gift of lulz for us today, via her extremely poorly thought out revenge:

A Long Island woman allegedly tried to get revenge on a 9-year-old girl who ar gued with her daughter by giving a throng of sex- seeking men the child's home phone number through a Craigslist ad. - NYpost.com

Pretty rational, response, right? When little kids piss me off, I usually just slather the top of the stairs with grease then yell "THERE'S A PRESENT DOWN HERE FOR YOU", but I think I'll resort to putting their number up on dating websites from now on. Surely that won't come back to bite me in the ass.

At yesterday's hearing, Tannenbaum was arraigned on charges of aggravated harassment and new charges of endangering the welfare of a child. -NYpost.com

Oh shit, I lied. Whoops. Well, I guess this was a pretty poorly executed act of trolling on her part, then. Keep this in mind next time you decide to be offended by the words of a 9 year old who has little grasp on how the world works or the concept of other people having feelings. Unless you're Michael Jackson, screwing with children is really going to end up fucking you over and making you look like an asshole. Deservingly, I might add.

In other news, I fucked up my layout trying to upload a new one, so it looks even worse than usual right now. I'll fix it at some point.

I guess this isn't really news, Calvin Pace is a slightly above average player at best, but the story got the same reaction out of me these stories always get. Calvin Pace is going to be suspended for the first four games this upcoming NFL season for violating the substance abuse policy. Take a look at this quote, tell me if it looks familiar:

Pace said the suspension stemmed from his use of an over-the-counter dietary supplement -- which he did not identify -- that contained a substance he did not know violated the policy. - ESPN.com

Same story, different moron. Son, the league sends all the players a list of products that violate the policy, and they send out an updated one whenever something is added or removed. Before taking anything from the store, look at the fucking thing, kay?

If that turns out to be too strenuous, teams generally have somebody working for them you can call up and go "hey, can I take this?", to which they respond "LOL YA" or "LOL NOPE". It's their job. Call the fucking league office if you have to. They're not going out of their way to suspend you, they just do it when you force them.

For fucks sake, ASK SOMEBODY. Thanks for screwing over your team, I hate the Jets passionately, but man. This happens like six times a year in football or baseball, it should be zero. Very, very preventable Calvin, unlike the two ass kickings the Patriots will be delivering to you this year.

Fuck the Jets.