Quick little update to touch base, I still got football to watch.

First, Warren Sapp on NFL Network about 15 minutes before the game said Atlanta would stomp New England, and the dynasty was over. Warren, I'd like to take this opportunity to say a few things. You were absolute garbage in your NFL career when you weren't on a line with Simeon Rice, you never did jack shit without him. Similar situation as a studio analyst. Simeon isn't there, and all you are is a fat retard babbling a bunch of idiotic statements. It's like you're back playing in Oakland again!

Secondly and finally, Jim Zorn may not just be the worst coach in the NFL right now, he might be the worst coach in my lifetime. A failed third down attempt by the Lions, the Lions get called for offensive pass interference, and..... you.... accepted it. They weren't in scoring position, either. 4th down would have been coming up, instead you gave them another chance to convert, and they did. You're a fucking moron.

Then, 4th down, 8 seconds left, on about the Lions 40..... I'd like to think that play call was Campbell improvising and not you, but.... he never looked at the endzone. He went to it immediately. Between that and the fact I think you're a shitty coach to begin with, I think that was your call. Yeah, lets play NFL Street pitching the ball back and forth for 40 yards, that'll work. There is a reason you lost to the Lions. You're very, very dumb. Nothing personal pal, I don't know you the person. I know you the coach though, and God you suck.

That'll do for now, just wanted to get both of those off my chest. Kthxbai!

Boy, I sure can pick 'em, huh? Let the rage ensue.

Joey Galloway looks like shit. He's still got blazing speed, but he's never in the right spot, except for the times he's close enough to drop a pass. Sound like a description of any ex-Patriot receivers you know? That's right. Bethyl Johnson.

It needs to be pretty obvious for me to say it.... Tommy doesn't look too good. Great at the end of the Bills game, average in it up to that point. This game.... good drive at the end of the second half that didn't end in a touchdown. That's it. Missed about a half dozen very easy throws, and a couple that he's usually very capable of making.

It wasn't all his fault today, though. In fact, a lot of it wasn't. That offensive line today was the most embarrassing thing I've seen on a football field in years, without exaggeration. They shouldn't even pick up their checks for this game, they don't deserve them. Everyone was bad, but the worst offenders today were Koppen, and to a much larger degree, Kaczur.

Kaczur was atrocious, and was doing a lot of Julio Lugo-esque "fake busy" stuff at the end of plays. A play would be long over, and then here comes Nicky flying onto the screen sliding across the ground, like he's saying "SEE GUYS I WAS TRYING TO BLOCK" to the viewers. Absolutely fucking pathetic. We just resigned him too, oh goody.

Defense was relatively bad in the second half, but not terrible. First half they were good. Vince Willfork is bigger than he's ever been, and I love him for it. That's as close to a compliment on the Patriots in this game as you're going to get out of me.

So, the Patriots lost. They deserved to lose. Not because the Jets were great, they weren't, the Patriots were just terrible. Their kick coverage was an absolute joke, they didn't capitalize on the numerous mistakes the Jets made in the first half, and their offensive line made me want to puke.

Falcons at home coming up, and its gonna be a tough one. I said before the season that between the Falcons and Saints, the Patriots are going to lose a game. It'll be two if they look like they did today. Matt Ryan looks great this year, and the Falcons defense is better than it has been in the past.

For the Patriots to beat Atlanta, Brady needs to get his act together, his offensive line needs to actually show up to the game unlike they did today, and the kick coverage has to be a LOT better. We're still a week away, but I got to say, this upcoming matchup.... it's about as appealing to me as farting blood for three hours.

No time for a breakdown this week, but as you saw from my prediction last week, I don't know what the fuck I'm talking about anyway.

Patriots win 28-24 in a very competitive game. CBS is talking about how Rex Ryan is hungry for this game.... hey Rex, if you're so hungry why don't you go eat a dick

Okay. If you've ever advertised on CraigsList, you know it's so full of spammers that the website is about to sneeze and send them flying by the dozen out of every orifice of its body. That's why I use sockpuppet email accounts to advertise on it, yet I still decided to erase them from the picture. Fuck you, you can't have the email address I use exclusively for CraigsList, that's important to me.

Seriously though, ignore "mane" in that picture, notice anything else? Spammers aren't even trying anymore. They think you're a fucking idiot. Which, if you fall for them, you are, but that's another story.

Look, spammers. If you can create an automated system that picks off the list on, uh, Craigs.... List.... and bulk mails it, you can probably create one that doesn't list its name as Hilary and start the email by calling itself Patricia.

I mean, I appreciate you're trying to steal my money, identity, and everything about me you can use for personal gain that completely ruins my life, I'm okay with that. That's your thing. But if you're going to try and bait me, you should at least let me get TWO SENTENCES into the email before I realize you're an automated faggot and not a real person. When I can see "Hilary" as the registered email name, and "Hilary" in the email, and "Hey, my mane(sic) is Patricia" without even moving my eyes, you're doing it wrong.

I'm not asking you to go away, spammers. I know you won't. You are the official cancerous tumor of the internet, if there is a Hell, you won't be fueling the fire, you'll be the shit in the middle of the furnace that is lit to START the fire. I get that. But fuck man, stop acting like I'm retarded. If you're going to try to ruin my life, you could at least put a little effort into it.

Y'know, like the people on the internet who AREN'T spammers that are trying to ruin my life (I hate my enemies, those guys suck). They're assholes too, but at least they respect me enough to know they're going to have to be a little more tactful.

I'm going to try to do previews and possibly recaps to games like I did elsewhere a few years back. So, that'll be our mostly lulzless, sports oriented segment of this blog from now on. Understood? Kay.

Before we get started, I'd like to offer my condolences for the death of Jake DelHomme's career. Pretty likable guy, very good quarterback for a couple years. He was the leader of a Panthers team that had the game gone into overtime and they got the ball first would have beaten my Patriots in the Super Bowl. Nobody could stop anyone the second half of that game. Jake used to be pretty good.

His last two games he has thrown for a total of less than 300 yards, with one touchdown and nine interceptions on 51 attempts. Two fumbles too, as well as a few sacks that were completely due to him no longer having a shred of pocket presence. As I said, I like Jake, but if you're Carolina, despite being stupid enough to give him a four year extension this offseason, you can't put him back out there. You just can't. He's done.

On to the Patriots Bills matchup tonight at 7. In short, I think the Jets next week will lose badly, but they have a chance of making it a competitive game, that one isn't a lock. This one is. Buffalo is going to get absolutely fucking killed tonight. I'm talking 41-7, 48-10, somewhere in that range. As long as #12 finishes the game, the Bills have absolutely, positively no chance whatsoever. Here's why.

1. Tom Brady has been sitting out essentially an entire year, he didn't even play a half last season. Tom doesn't like not playing football, and he's the best quarterback in the league, probably the best quarterback ever. Even if tonights opponent was good (Buffalo sucks), Brady would destroy them. If he throws less than four touchdowns, I'll be surprised. Brady to Moss Brady to Moss Brady to Moss all night, Welker too if he plays, which is uncertain at the moment.

2. Buffalo has a completely new offensive line. Every starter. Not one returning. They aren't all rookies, in fact I don't think any of them are, but they're all new starters, which means regardless of their individual levels of talent, they're going to be an absolute clusterfuck for about four weeks trying to figure out how to best work as a unit. Having Seymour still on the Patriots would be nice for this game, but in any case, look for a minimum of two sacks, probably more like four. Wouldn't expect the running game to work out too well for Buffalo either.

3. Buffalo has lost to New England 11 straight times. They're not coming in to New England on Monday night to open the season and changing that. It simply isn't happening.

Factor those things in to the fact the Patriots are simply a more talented team, and that's pretty much it. We're under six hours away from this massacre, and my penis is trembling with excitement. Enjoy!

Post Game Recap: That's why they play the games, huh? This is also why I don't gamble on sports.... I don't know what the fuck I'm talking about. So, COME BACK NEXT WEEK SO I CAN TELL YOU THE EXACT OPPOSITE OF WHATS GONNA HAPPEN

Quick, one post break from the lulz and jokes for a quick breakdown of the upcoming NFL season, because it kicks off in a couple hours and I am so pumped and jacked I just pooped a little. I'm thinking of huffing paint thinner until I pass out so that 8:30pm comes a little quicker. CAN NOT FUCKING WAIT, best sport in the world. Here are your division winners, with quick reasoning:

AFC East : New England Patriots.

If they were the worst team in the world, I'd still pick them, because I'm a Patriots fan. RedSox I'm a pretty level headed fan, but come football, come Patriots, I'm the shirtless guy with red blue and silver body paint spilling beer on other fans while I struggle to maintain my drunken balanace. Even from a neutral stance, the Patriots are BY FAR the best team in the division. They lock it up early and easy.

AFC North : Pittsburgh Steelers.

I fucking hate the Steelers. I despise them. I get off on watching them fail. However, their defense is going to be great again. Ravens are okay, but not good enough. Beyond one receiver and a very good quarterback, Cincinnati sucks dick. Cleveland will have problems as Brady Quinn figures things out in his first season as the Browns being HIS team. Steelers take the division by two, maybe three games.

AFC South : Tennesee Titans.

Tough call here. This isn't based on me being that much of a believer in the Titans, I'm not really, but the Colts got to take a step back eventually, and I think its this year. Peyton Manning is the second best quarterback in the league, but that team has a lot of holes. People think the Texans are going to be good this year, I don't see it, maybe 8-8. Jacksonville? Well, I love Jack Del Rio, and they have some good players, but they underachieve every fucking year, they're going to again. Titans squeak this one out and take it by a game, if they're for real, they'll win tonight.

AFC West : San Diego Chargers.

San Diego is like the just mentioned Jaguars, they underachieve every year. They've been knocking on the door for five years or so but can't get it done. I love Phillip Rivers, he's a good quarterback, he's one tough motherfucker, and he's a complete asshole. The reason I pick the Chargers isn't them though, it's the division. The Chiefs suck, the Raiders suck, and the Broncos, who have been at least decent for about 12 years, are going to suck for the first time in quite a while. Chargers will rise above the shitty teams around them.

NFC East : Dallas Cowboys.

ANOTHER underachiever. They looked so good two years ago then just fell on their face. Part of this is spite, I hate the Giants, I hate Eli Manning, I hate everything about that organization. Fuck them. Dallas will get some help by Eli fucking up in a crucial game and will take this division, followed shortly thereafter by Tony Romo choking in the playoffs and sending them home.

NFC North : Chicago Bears.

Bears have a quarterback for the first time in..... ever. Lions were 0-16 last year. They'll beat SOMEBODY this year, but they're still the Lions, and they're still awful. Green Bay will be a good team, but not a good enough team. Vikings have Brett Favre, which means despite really liking the Vikings in my youth and seeing multiple football games in Minnesota, they can eat the shit out of my ass. Fuck you Brett. I will say, as a side note, Minnesota at Green Bay this year, even if you don't like football, put that game on. The Green Bay crowd reacting to their former God Brett showing up in the enemy jersey.... I can't fucking wait for that game.November 1st, circle that on your calendar. I'm serious.

NFC South : Atlanta Falcons.

Tampa and Carolina are both teams with a lot of talent but as a whole just don't look good. New Orleans has an aerial assault offense that is a lot of fun to watch, but their defense is fucking horrible. Atlanta looks good for 11 wins, that'll be enough.

NFC West : Arizona Cardinals.

Arizona, despite not really being that great, will be the kings of the most boring division in football. I expect Seattle to be a lot better this year than last year, but they still won't be good. They need another year. Rams and 49ers..... please.

So, there you have it. If you're a football fan (which a lot of my readerbase isn't, fucking weaboos), feel free to debate me in the comments. I love talking football.

At the time of posting this, this video had 328,932 views and a four star rating.



When we get to a point that this is considered funny, I give up. Turn off the internet, forever. That is, without a doubt, the worst fucking thing ever posted on YouTube. Fred looks funny by comparison. It has 328,932 views and a four star rating. I have nothing else to add.

Very quick post. I don't really have a news story I want to talk about, I'm pretty tired. Been moving stuff all day. I move into my new place tomorrow, kicks ass bro, all thats left to bring there is the TV and the bed. Also means I doubt I'll be writing anything tomorrow.

So, to kill time online after coming home today, I decided to fuck with Christian fundamentalists online, because e-fundies are one of the most clueless groups of people you will find ANYWHERE. Here's what one said as their argument to why creationism is real and evolution isn't:

Evolution says that we started out simple, and over time became more complex. That just isn't possible: UNLESS there is a giant outside source of energy supplying the Earth with huge amounts of energy. If there were such a source, scientists would certainly know about it. - Retard, internet

HI. IT'S CALLED THE SUN MOTHERFUCKER, EVER HEARD OF IT?

Patrick Chung sucks. That's your game recap.

HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII FOLKS! I've been surprisingly busy lately, so my halfhearted apologies for falling behind here. I've been feeling the wrong emotions towards stuff lately too, so that's thrown me off a little. For example, I was watching this porno yesterday out of really no purpose past boredom. It was a chubby chicks one, 'coz if you know me, I love me some curvy girls. This was too much though. I mean, Christ. This one chick had tits that she probably has to roll up before putting in her bra. The dudes lying on the bed propping one up like its a food tray being carried out to a table by a waitress..... it was fucked.

So, as he's holding this two foot long tit like it's a grinder he bought at a sandwich shop a half hour ago and forgot he was carrying, I burst out laughing. Word of advice, directors, good porn is not porn that the viewer finds hilarious. Then the guy is like "want to see my penis dance for you?" and I was like NAH THAT'S OKAY and closed it. Failed experiment. Speaking of failed experiments, allow this agonizingly forced transition sentence to introduce you to this advertisement campaign:

The World Wildlife Fund is joining a growing chorus of voices expressing outrage over an ad bearing its symbol that shows dozens of planes bearing down on lower Manhattan with a tag line that reads, "The Tsunami Killed 100 Times More People Than 9/11." - FoxNews.com

How many times do I have to note this? Rick Pitino mentioned 9/11 in his recent press conference to deflect off the fact that he fucks random women on restaurant floors (awesome) too. This is not a strategy Americans are going to get behind, especially not at the beginning of fucking September.

The advertisement shows an overhead view of Manhattan that shows like, 100 planes in all directions flying towards it. The Twin Towers are present. UHM, OOPSIE? The ad was designed by some Brazillian company that I don't feel deserves being acknowledged. Look, I don't care what country you're from, it is amazing you could rise to the position of creating advertisements for a borderline reputable group like the World Wildlife Fund if you think shit like this is a good idea.

And I thought Haribo fucked up with their candy container depicting a lime having rough sex with a lemon below. Clearly, I have much to learn about how to fail in the advertising world.



For what it's worth, the World Wildlife Foundation has insisted they rejected this ad proposal immediately, and don't know why it ever saw the light of day. I'm inclined to believe them, just in the hope that two companies could collectively be so stupid on one project.

So, I like having sex with women, therefore I don't like soccer. You gotta check this out though. Wait for the slow-mo, this is one gross leg break. And by gross, I mean pretty awesome, because nobody cares about soccer players.



OHHHHHH LUL LUL LA LUL. That's all for now. Stressed, tired, preoccupied. Watch it though. For once a soccer player dropping to the ground like they just got shot is actually justified. Faggots.