Pic related, as the woman in this story was dragged from her residence and told to stay away from it for three years. Now, being told you can't go home for three years by a judge may seem a little stiff, but I'm sure the neighbors aren't that bummed out. She was giving bears an incentive to romp through the area.... food.

Karen Noyes often fed the black bears that came to her home near the Oregon coast. Then things got out of hand. - MSNBC.com

No shit, feeding a bunch of wild bears got out of hand? Personally, if I saw my neighbor feeding bears and encouraging more to come into the area, I'd be like "hey, fuck you". I'm sure the person in this story listed as having sixty of their turkeys in a barn mauled by a bear is real appreciative of this moron.

Tragically, the story didn't have any quotes from the 61 year old woman found guilty of "harassing wildlife", those would have been quality stuff. Allow me to speak on her behalf.

"I don't understand what happened. I can't believe offering wild animals free food consistently would cause them to keep coming back. I'm a victim here, anybody would do what I did in this situation. Admit it, when you see a wild bear, your initial reaction is to approach it and give it food, maybe pet it a little."

Charles Darwin, you really let me down with this gal. 61..... shouldn't she have accidentally fallen face first in a corner and suffocated by like, 30?

Chad Johnson, Ocho Cinco... whatever the hell his name is... needs a proofreader. Or, better yet, he needs to back away from Twitter immediately. The last thing this man needs is a way to broadcast his thoughts to millions before having a chance to think about what he said. Here's what Chad said about Michael Jackson dying the other day:

Okay, first Mrs. Fawcett now Mr. Jackson, pleasse tell me that this is a mistaken rumor, if not this is just as sad as 9/11 - Chad Ocho Cinco, Twitter

Whoopsie daisy. Chad, you want to be real careful when you're comparing things to 9/11, it usually doesn't go very well. Two extremely well known buildings that were a signature of New York collapsing while killing thousands, some "black" musician having a heart attack. Yeah, I can see the comparison there. Pretty much the same thing.

This is why Chad Ochocinco should not be allowed to talk, and it is also why I'm so glad he does. Without him making unfathomably stupid statements like this, I would have nothing to do.

He did end up apologizing, but I'm sure it was because somebody told him to, and not because he thought he should. I mean, Christ, fucking look at him. Phenomenal football talent, but if you cracked that guys head open, crayons and glitter would fall out.

This is the worst day ever. I logged in to my "Billy Mays" user account on a message board I frequent, only to find a mailbox full of messages informing me I was dead. Needless to say, I was shocked.

Mays was found unresponsive by his wife inside his Tampa, Fla., home at 7:45 a.m. on Sunday, according to the Tampa Police Department. - Fox News.com

Some guy who was born a black man and died a white woman had a heart attack in Cali, and now this. Tough week to be a celebrity. I wonder if this means that cock sucker Vince with ShamWow won, I know they hated each other. Billy threatened him on multiple occasions, including needing to be restrained at a Super Bowl party they were both at.

I don't know what to say. I can't imagine a world without a screaming, bearded advertising God telling me to buy shit I don't need before he tracked me down and ran me over with his car. You will be missed Billy. Now, everyone, pour some Oxi Clean out on the sidewalk for your fallen homie.

I just got home from hiking with this chick I know, it was pretty awesome. Got some sweet pictures on top of this giant rock plus it got my ass out of bed for a reason other than beer or snack foods. It's not as fun as finding a girl in the woods you don't know at all and walking with her, but it was a good time. Turns out I didn't miss much in sports, unless you count Brett Favre "possibly" coming out of "retirement" news, which I don't. Fuck him.

J.C. Romero, a relief pitcher for the Phillies, apparently chokeslammed some douche bag Rays fan the other day. Good for him. Not exactly trailblazing stuff, the Detroit Pistons and Mike Ditka made beating the shit out of fans an artform, but this guys reaction really annoyed me.

“He reared back and kinda grazed my chin and grabbed me by the neck and threw me back, I was in shock.” - Some faggot, Yahoo Sports

Look, when I wore a "Fuck you DJ" shirt to an independant wrestling show last year and asked DJ Hyde to autograph it, I wasn't dumbfounded when he slapped my beer out of my hand. This guy was popping shit to an athlete that recently was suspended for steroid use, and was in disbelief when said roided athlete gave him a smack.

If you don't want a professional athlete to try and kill you, try not saying "HEY FUCK YOU CAN I GET SOME STEROIDS LOLOLOLOL" to him. Milton Bradley (lol) was sitting in the clubhouse watching the TV broadcast of a game he was playing in a few years ago, one of the announcers made a joke at his expense, and he went up to the broadcast booth and tried to kill the guy.

You're a Tampa Bay Rays fan. Your team has been relevant for literally one year in its entire existance. You're not in a position to agitate athletes with no reprocussion. Please continue to do so, though.

Godspeed, MJ. Basketball will never be the same without you. Erhm, oh it was that one. I guess Jacko really hated Farrah Fawcett, yesterday was supposed to be her day of mourning. I mean, not for my generation, most of us reacted "who the fuck is Farrah Fawcett" when we learned the news, but the generation before us.... her death was pretty big. It was quite the story.

For about, I dunno, six hours or so.

Then, bam, as I was perusing a few message boards I participate in, all of a sudden they blow up with MIKAL JAKSUN IS DIED OMGOMGOMG, and Farrah was forgotten in an instant. The baseball game last night sucked so I didn't watch most of it, I kept it on MSNBC. Wall to wall Jacko coverage, Fawcett wasn't mentioned once from the point Jacko went HNNNNNNNNNGHHHHHHH and fell over to the point he was pronounced dead, or any point after it either. Maybe she was brought up today, I dunno, I don't care about celebrities.

This whole thing bugs me, though. Jacko can't be buried because 85% of him isn't biodegradable at this point, and his heart attack was probably due to little boys being suprisingly high in cholesterol (impressed? Don't be, I stole half of that line. Try to guess which part!). The same news groups that used him for a "LOL LOOK HOW FUCKED UP THIS GUY IS" story once every month or so were the same people acting like Jesus just got crucified. I don't care for that.

Look, some people love me, some people hate my guts, some people don't care I exist. I don't want those second two groups coming out kissing my ass when I drop dead. If you didn't like me alive, don't act like I'm awesome just because I died. That's what's going on here.

If you loved him in life, fine. If you hated him, fine. Show some consistancy though. If you felt he was a scumbag two days ago, you should have felt it yesterday too. Enough of this carebear media crap. Kthxbai

I love soccer. I mean, no I don't, I hate soccer and I think it's fucking boring as hell, but I love when the USA wins in international tournaments.

Soccer (known as football in the rest of the world) is when an individual fucks members of the same sex and enjoys it. - Encyclopedia Dramatica

That sums up my view on the activity nicely, thank you ED. Think about how great this moment is though, the United States beating Spain in the.... uh... Confederations Cup. I don't know where that ranks on the soccer tournament hierarchy because I don't waste my time with sports that dropping to the ground like you've been shot every time somebody bumps into you is deemed acceptable, but I guess it's a pretty big deal.

It's so beautiful because this loss, Spain's first loss in 35 games from what I've been told, is like a fucking day of mourning in Spain. They are devastated by this, soccer fans are extremely passionate/gay about their sport. While their country collectively holds its head in shame, an overwhelming majority of the United States couldn't care less. There is something very beautiful about crushing the spirit of a large group of people by defeating them in a competition you aren't even interested in.

That doesn't change how horrible the sport is to watch, however. I had it on in the background while I was jerking off to farm porn for the final 40 minutes or so. I'm looking at the stat sheet right now. Spain had eleven shots on goal, the United States had four. Soccer games are over 90 minutes of playtime, and the net is fucking enormous. Yet, in over an hour and a half of playing, two teams combined for fifteen shots? That's like the equivalent of renting a female escort for a week long trip and fucking her once.

Hi, the United States took four shots, and two went in. That should be an indication of how to win. Stop flopping around on the ground like a bunch of pussies and passing the ball back and forth for five minutes at a time. If, for whatever reason, you actually want to play this incredibly shitty sport, crash the God damn net and boot that thing at it. I would be taking shots from 200 feet away.

Like that image? I sure as hell do. That's why I blatantly stole it from celeblulz.com without asking their permission, likely after they blatantly stole it from somebody else without asking their permission.

Something really bothered me in the world of Major League Baseball last night. No, it wasn't watching my boy Julian Tavarez get screwed by his shitty team as I sat in front of the TV in my Washington Nationals #50 Tavarez shirt. Though the Nationals qualify as a minor league team, my anger was directed towards somebody who is actually playing in the minors right now.

Guess who. I'll give you a hint. He has dreads, wears the number 99, and thinks throwing old people is funny (which, admittedly, I do too). Oh you clever clever little girl, that's right, Manny Ramierez!

Ramirez, easing back into playing shape after a 50-game drug suspension, suited up for the Albuquerque Isotopes as they beat Nashville 1-0. -ESPN.com

What the fuck is this shit? Manny is suspended until the 3rd next month, for violating the substance abuse policy of the league he is employed in. Yet, there he is, in front of a sellout crowd at a minor league ballpark, getting paid on his MLB contract scale, swinging a bat in games that don't matter.

Are we forgetting who this is here? When Manny rehabed in Pawtucket for the RedSox, he literally wanted to stay there. As in, he flat out said he liked it there better. He's got his locker full of weed and beef jerky, and he's playing a kids game that the media for the most part pays no attention to. Great job Selig, that'll teach him. If Manny wasn't doing steroids before, he's probably going to do them now for no purpose other than to get suspended again. He LOVES this shit.

Well, at least you're sending the kids the right message, Mr. Selig. Don't cheat, but if you do, it's okay, because you'll still get paid, still be able to play in baseball games, and if you're good ESPN will still broadcast all your at bats. I mean, seriously, don't cheat, but if you do, it's fine.

No two things are a more magical combination than NFL offensive linemen and musical performances. The two intertwine on a level that rivals peanut butter and chocolate, particularly if you're violently allergic to peanut butter and the "chocolate" is a homemade product courtesy of your local fecalphiliac. Honestly, I'm used to members of the Dallas Cowboys doing stupid shit, but usually their hearts are in the right place. When Nate Newton got arrested with that U-Haul of marijuana, he was just trying to bring joy to junior high students across the country.

Leonard Davis, Marc Colombo and Cory Procter have signed a recording contract as part of a heavy metal band called Free Reign. Their debut album for Australia's Riot Entertainment will be released this fall. - ESPN.com

The article continues by making an incredibly lame joke involving the weight of the three men involved and the fact that their music is going to be in a genre that has "heavy" in it. A better follow-up line would have read something like "what kind of a shitty name for a metal band is Free Reign?" Heavy metal bands are supposed to have names like Trampled Faces, Prejudice Towards Humanity, or Suck My Dick Because I Hate You. Not Free Reign. That sounds like the name of a band two reasonably unattractive lesbians would fuck each other to when they left their Indigo Girls collection in the car.

I'm sure they're metal as all hell, though. I mean, their epic tour is ending at a House Of Blues in Dallas. Nothing says hardcore like a bunch of black men in suits wielding saxophones.

Hello, and thank you for erroneously typing whatever website or blog you were trying to go to. I'd advise sticking around.

As one of roughly 540 blog projects I work extensively on for several months before abandoning for the next poorly thought out idea, here you will find sports and current event stories looked at differently. And by differently, I mean by a bitter, borderline retarded, frequently drunk basement dweller.

Non-sporting topics that will be covered could include, for example, how cute puppies are, what kind of cars I think look cool, or how I hate when a website requires me to type in a difficult catchpa during a particularly rigorous session of masturbation. Not that that happened last Thursday night and I'm speaking out of personal experience, we're being hypothetical here.

That'll do for now, I have to go write a post about something. Keep refreshing your browser or I'll find you.