I know, I know, a majority of my readerbase doesn't give a shit about sports. Ironic considering the address. Sorry, this needs to be discussed, the Washington Nationals have had a couple of days that just make no sense whatsoever. Read this slowly and carefully, or you're going to get lost. Seriously. I know exactly what I'm trying to say, and even I'm confused writing it.

First, the Nationals and my boy Julian Tavarez lost a game, and the winning pitcher on the other team didn't throw a pitch. Alan Embree came into a game for the Rockies with two outs in the 8th inning, picked off a runner at first, and then went to the dugout, done for the day. The Nationals responded by fucking up in the bottom of the inning and giving the Rockies the lead.

“I messed up and threw it to the wrong guy,” [Nationals pitcher Joe] Beimel said. “I did everything right up until that point." - Yahoo Sports

Gee, I wonder why they're not winning much. I was making chicken salad. I put a teaspoon of salt into a mixing bowl, then I shoved the knife in the toaster and my other arm in the garbage disposal while screaming racial slurs at a black man I saw out my window. I did everything right up until that point.

It gets even better. THE NEXT FUCKING DAY (July 9) the Washington Nationals and Houston Astros resumed a game that had been suspended due to rain on May 5th. Baseball's fucked up like that. Joel Hanrahan had been the last pitcher on the mound for the Nationals, and they were winning at the time. The game was completed, the Nationals maintained their lead. Hanrahan was the winning pitcher.

Since that game, Joel Hanrahan had been traded to the Pittsburgh Pirates. The Nationals won a game behind a pitcher that was not on their roster. I understand if at this point you need to go back and re-read this, this is too fucked up to interpret correctly the first time through.

How did [Hanrahan] learn he finally has a win this season: “I got a bunch of text messages.” - Yahoo Sports

In two days, the Washington Nationals lost to a pitcher that didn't throw a pitch, then won a game that their winning pitcher wasn't on their fucking team. Okay, that makes sense. It's times like this I can't explain why I enjoy baseball. If you'll excuse me, I'm going to go pop an ibuprofen and lay down, my head hurts.